I am not okay.
I am not okay with this.
I am not okay with what happened,
or how it happened, or how it is happening.
I am not okay when I think about you.
I am not okay when I think about last summer.
I am not okay when I think about the future, or just yesterday, or last week.
I am not okay in this moment, I am not okay right NOW.
I am not okay when I am awake, I am worse when I'm asleep,
and the worst when I'm in between.
I am not okay in my skin, in my brain, in my stomach, in my voice and eyes, and thoughts.
I am not okay in this house, I gave up my home, I gave up you so I could be alone.
I am not okay with this.
I am not okay with this.
I am not okay with what has happened.
I am not okay with how it happened.
and I am not okay because I let it happen.
I let it start.
I let it stop.
I let it grow before I knew how to grow up.
I don't know what I'm doing... but it has to be done.
You have to be gone, and I have to be alone.
I have to learn not to be so scared, and you have to learn not to be so sad.
i am not okay with what has happened.
I do not feel okay with what is happening.
And it is not okay that I let it happen. And it is not okay that
I hold all the blame.
The only thing you did wrong was choose me.
Blame it on timing. Blame it on me.
The blame won't change a thing.............

"we used to catch fireflies in mason jars
and we used to go down to the county fair
and we listened to blue grass in summer air
and we danced all night as the rain came down
and you held my hand as we slept on the ground
and we wrote our names in the old oak wood
I guess some things don't work out like they should.

Do you miss me?"