I feel too far gone. Almost as if
the desire has left me
to try to get help
I couldn’t be helped because I don’t want to be.
I’m addicted to it.
If I don’t feel pain, I don’t feel anything. Its worse. Not to feel anything.
I want to at least feel that.

I don’t see anything else

I don’t see myself feeling anything else.
I almost feel incapable of it.
Feeling the heaviness of sadness makes me feel like myself.
I feel like I know myself if I feel it. it’s all I know,
its all I’ve ever really known
its been my constant for my whole life.
And yes this break up with Laura has made it worse but its only because it destroyed the light I once had
Like a candle
I feel like I’ve burned out
like I’m smoke
all that remains is this sadness that I’ve always felt
this darkness
what once made it go away, that flame or spark or whatever was inside me is gone
and this is what I have now
this is what I am now
I am learning to accept it. If I don’t, I have nothing else. I may as well die